I was walking in Covent Garden in London… It was hot, I was sweetie and the whole square was terribly crowded. Then I heard that music. Almost running through the crowded area, I tried to find out the source of that magical music. I ended up in front of   two Chinese Brothers, Guo Brothers, who were playing two wind instruments which rooted back to three thousand years. The music they we playing was hypnotizing.

Remembering Sartre’s sentence, “…my heart was playing the most beautiful trumpet tones…” I thought “so did my heart together with Guo Brother’s music”. I stayed there, in Covent Garden, till the Brothers stopped the music. Then I bought their cd. All I thought that moment was, to go back to my hotel and keep on listening their music. And I did so.  The place I stayed was in the middle of Holland Park in Kensington. It was rather late in the evening and the park was closed.  But like a thief I managed to escape towards the shades of the trees when the guard was looking to another direction. It was a great evening with New Moon. Having a bottle of good red wine, I started my cd player and heard that magical music of Guo Brothers again.

I closed my eyes and let myself dream.  The music playing was very soft and tender. Whole my life, I thought love was something I felt  “at the first moment”  or it wasn’t  love what I felt. I thought love was like a thunderstorm, suddenly entering into my life, moving everything here and there, mixing up whatever possible and leaving me hanging in the sky till I fell down. And there, exactly those moments which lasted often years, I hurt myself; sometimes I had a softer fall, sometimes a stronger fall but always  sudden and unexpected like  how it started.

Listening to this magical music, I thought love was different. Love was not at all like how I imagined and experienced till that moment of my life. Love was soft like the tones of Guo Brothers; it was tender like a baby… It was not like “crash boom bang”… It was not like two cars hitting into each other and damaging everything to death how I always lived. It was not a power game, not a self esteem or ego fight… No, it was like melting in each other and slowly becoming one body, mind and soul. Love was unconditional, just giving tenderly; not expecting to get something. Love was not “for something” or “because of something”. Love was “though” like a Japanese writer said. And with patience… It needed time, time to enjoy and appreciate it.  Love was there, only, if two souls could dance together, felt together, loved together. It was tender, though strong. It was soft, though creative.   

Then I flew over a mountain and reached the top of the mountain in my thoughts. It was a great mountain. There, I was at the top of the world. I was standing on such a small point that any movement to any direction would let me fall down. I opened my arms and let the sunshine go though my body. It was so warm, so relaxing and promising that I   trusted the whole universe with all my heart. This made me feel strong. Keeping this feeling in my mind, I became stronger and stronger through the sun shine I was receiving.  Suddenly I let myself fall down from the peak I was standing. So has started an endless trip to infinity in my mind.

I was afraid of falling down my entire life but not that moment. As I experienced this, I started to change. It was me falling down, but wasn’t me at the same time. It was my body, my thoughts and emotions, but not my soul any more…
 

I was changing. I could feel it, but couldn’t describe it. It was so fast; the falling and the change, that after a while I felt nothing. It was like if someone had an extreme pain or happiness. If you had an extreme pain or happiness, there came a second, at that second there exited no pain or happiness. There exited nothing. So felt I. Falling down was like going through “the Black Hole”; endless, thoughtless, emotionless. I knew that something changed but at the same time still stayed the same. When I reached the bottom, I looked at myself. My body was there but I wasn’t me any longer. I was free, totally free. I could go anywhere I wanted; my body didn’t need to follow. I felt free as I had never felt before. Something has totally changed. I got a smile and thought this could have been “death”. Death was like going through something with a speed that you realized the change but it didn’t bother you. You knew that you changed… Like all the other changes in life.

Then I opened my eyes, looking at the New Moon in the sky and listening to Guo Brothers, I started to drink my red wine.  This music by some simple instruments; coming from past, instruments of three thousand years old, let me feel   love and death in Holland Park from a perspective that I had never thought before. May be, this was how they felt three thousand years ago. May be, that was the reason why these these instruments still existed. The moon was the same moon three thousand years ago, the same old earth we lived on. Three thousand years ago some others dreamt with these tunes and that evening I did… After all, as Luis Armstrong said:

“..What a wonderful world…” or what a wonder all we lived and experienced through out the years we existed.