Women or high heels? Which women wear high heeled shoes? Does this imply that tall women are more advantageous? What about women with straight-foot? So, what if she is straight-foot with big feet and tall at the same time? What about women wearing long lined dresses in order to make them look tall? May there be any difference in height between women who wear stubby snouts and those who wear pointed snouts? What for do we classify women? Why don’t we ask if men wearing timberland seem more mythological? (Definitely, the voice of Banu, remembering the splendor of her old feminist days!)

For me, only women suffering from pain must be closer to God…

So, what is the cause of pain? Love? Work? Betrayal? Or just a blister of heels due to tight shoes?

Surely this must be the reason why my entire childhood passed with limping from Laleli to Çemberlitaş inside my small shoes having no substitute, the back of which I squeezed with cotton pieces… Yes, this was the time when my first arguments with God started. Although this may also have something to do with my relations with my mother, I used to beg the God for most of the time; to rescue me out of those shoes. Don’t look down on me; there is so much spare time to call God to account for while walking in a half-an-hour distance with moaning from pain. Especially when you have a single pair of school shoes and you are obliged to wear same shoes with worn out heels next morning… Then comes the questionings, the feeling of rivalry among your friends, outbursts of anger mixed up with real physical pain and adolescence uprisings due to existence. Those were the times when I was closest to God. After that I forgot about him for many years.

Much after, I remember listening to the sounds of my mother’s heels in empty streets...

Tick, tack, tick, tack… At those times, they seemed huge to me and I related being a woman with those sounds of heels. Strong, calm, rhythmic and delicate. There is something in these high heels which makes one to feel her presence. Each foot seems to shout as “I am here” when you enter a place or climb down the stairs. And all the other eyes in the table absolutely look around to see the owner of those shoes. As if they inform the arrival of something bigger than it really is. I am coming down near you with all my magnificent grandeur and femininity! (but she stumbles at the first moment she sits at the table. What do high heels have to do with being a woman? Well, they have some… For no reason, as an image)

Naturally throughout my adolescence years I dreamt of buying green, high heeled boots with the first money I would earn by myself; however it was horrible to see that they did not look good on me as I imagined. Two long, puny legs; “Oh God, why am I that tall? I can already count the shedding hair of men on naked feet, so why these shoes, why? How would I become a woman?”

A giraffe has worn boots and is staggering, stumbling and turning red as well. Being a woman cannot be like this. You made me tall too and threw me out in Turkey; now tell me what is being a woman. We must have a humpback to bend down further inside; maybe we may find there the blessings of being a high heeled woman. Sure, there are women, who fully enjoy this. They wear high heels and become entirely a woman. I think too that they are woman. So, God what am I? If you are inside me, where exactly are you? Why I can’t look like them when I wear high heels? (Here too, you my see how high heels make people closer to God; questions, grilling, etc.)

Now can you understand how wearing high heeled shoes make one question the God that much?

If you ask “Yes, but what does this have to do with being close to him”, let me explain.

A relation, a warmth, a conversation start naturally between a person and a thing that she questions and this dialogue turns out into a close friendship. After sufficient dialogue, you find yourself one within the other and there you realize that it is “you” that you talk, discuss, criticize and listen… And so you conclude that God is the thing that is closest to the child inside you and that she likes to wear high heeled shoes. 

So what do we figure out from this?

God is absolutely much closer to women and this may be related to wearing high heeled shoes if we try further…J

So what do we figure out from this?

This text is coming to an end…J

So what do we figure out from this?

I am going out to look into old chests to find my old green boots…J

So what do we figure out from this?

Where are the strings of those boots? Unless we find them we might not tie them and the text would continue like this…J

Maybe the men in the streets didn’t become taller, but I may have become old enough to ignore this…J

And we can not figure out more from this….:)