Do you remember  the movie, “Face-Off”? Beyond the whole scenario there is a very striking scene in that movie. Walking of Nicholas Cage, as Castor Troy, lifting his coat in an incedible manner while getting out of the car... Nicholas Cage represents the Evil in that movie.

Certainly there is no one who doesn’t know Matrix. There again, a coat merely drags along the movie. We see Keanu Reeves, as Neo, and his long black coat, which he carries like a symbol throughout the movie, side by side in his challenge against the matrix. Although Keanu Reeves represents the good this time.

Somehow the coats in these movies remind me of the lawyers’ robes. Me too, I own a black and grand coat: An attorney’s robe. Hung in my cupboard, for me, it has a much more special place than most of the attorneys. Believe me, the desire of lifting the robes on us the attorneys, or in broader expression the lawyers, is neither less striking nor less exciting than the scenes in these movies. But the thing has nothing to do with how we lift or how much we lift the robe. If only all the problems could be solved while we walk in the courthouse lifting our robes.

Me too, since I was close to the idealistic values from the first moment I chose my profession, I thought I knew with what purpose I should lift this robe. But I needed some time for this robe to get lifted.

When I chose this profession I’ve believed that whoever is good shall win, especially since I’ve worked a lot with the imaginery hero att. Perry Mason of Erle Stanley Gardner. And in addition to that, while fighting in this field, I thought it was going to be very easy with the robe you’re wearing. But it didn’t take long to understand that I was wrong. Because, like each human being, you too, fall into various dilemmas. One of them being, which one looks more charismatic between the characters I’ve mentioned at the beginning, Nicholas Cage or Keanu Reeves..?! Which one lifts his coat better and which coat suits better?

You try to work somehow with these contradictons for a while. I did that too. But if you have a potential of being a hero or feeling like a hero, after a while you’ll see that this ordinariness starts to become impossible. Right at that moment the robe you’re wearing starts to tremble and quiver. It almost comes to life. It starts to provoke you, saying “Let’s live some adventure, don’t forget that you’re a justice warrior”. You can resist to this incitement only for a while, how much you can resist depends on your  capacity. But since you believe eventually that the time to lift your robe has come, the warrior hero inside of you comes alive and starts to rear up. Of course my hero’s rearing up wasn’t so beneficial for me. Because I have decided to follow Keanu Reeve’s path. Actually if I were to follow Nicholas Cage, I knew I would have more chance to be succesfull. Maybe I could even walk as cool as him. Moreover, I could disorder every one with my charisma by lifting my robe while entering the courthouse. But what did I do? I just standed, stared into the eyes of Nicholas and said: “I know you’re so cool, If we would meet in different conditions I could be very impressed by you but I can’t do that. Because the things I believe are not same with what you believe” Yes, I said that exactly.

And he looked at me as if he says I don’t believe you: “Do you still believe these childish stories? Grow up and reconquer the world. The things you think become real only in the movies.” I didn’t mind what he told me. I followed Keanu, leaving Nicholas behind with his impressive look. By the way I should admit that the looks of Nicholas aren’t as impressive as Keanu’s. But unfortunately, my work hasn’t gone well as much as Keanu’s. I found the reason later. He did not choose his way himself. He was acting a leading role of a play specially prepared for him. As for me, all alone by myself I was struggling too hard. In fact I’ve done what he has done completely. I put on my long black robe. My values placed in my heart, I started a war with my words and law knowledge which were my weapons. But I was all alone and no role is played all alone in life game. I just started my war that suddenly  judicial system punched me in the eye. Anyway I don’t remember what happened next.The only thing I remember was my robe trying to strangle me. It seemed that this robe is tied to the juridicial system by the invisible strings. And later I understood that I’ve missed the most important element. The values aren’t carried in the heart, they are carried in the pocket. The image, as Colorful and vivacious as in a theater scene, of the courthouse where I wanted to walk lifting my robe has disappeared, became cold and colorless stone walls and I found myself staring at those walls which makes you feel your loneliness more. I had to think long enough, with the pain in my eye, to remember who I am. The hero inside who tempted me already beetled off. Keanu dived in the mystic world by changing shape and dimension and never came back. As for Nicholas, he already left the world. I was alone and beaten. I had to review my entire values again and again. I tried to fit in my values in my pocket but It didn’t work out. Was my pocket too small or were my values too big? I don’t know but in the end I decided to let them live in my heart.

If you ask me what has changed during the process, of course something has changed. The most important one is that spiritualism entered my life right at the time I was seeking myself. With a bit of fear, I opened the door which appeared with all its glory in front of me; like some who also traveled  to seek themselves. To tell the truth, at the beginning, my blood got frozen of fear if I may put it this way. Because, even if I dislike the falsities and value perceptiveness in real life, real life wasn’t as creepy as inner travel. In real life you’ll die at most when you’re afraid too much. Whereas this journey is such that you can’t die even if discovering secrets of life and yourself are written on your destiny. A door is always opened to another one. You have no chance to return back and besides you wonder what’s behind that other door, while you scare to death.It’s interesting that I was striving to destroy my ego now, whereas I was trying to be a hero before. By the way, I was struggling to fit the missing pieces of the puzzle by getting familiar with various symbols. What kind of essence did we have inside? Who were we? Who was I? I was a man whose destiny to travel to discover himself was written right when he was born. Up to this point it belonged to God and from this point, to me. Then I found out the others. What coincidence; they were man too. We were all one. But most of them were not aware of that. If united, we could make heaven everywhere, although we could live hell. We could create heaven and hell all alone, we had the power to make it. But other’s heaven could be my hell while my heaven could be other’s hell. Each choice was full of heavens and hells, one inside the other. You could choose as you want. And I did chose.

I took out my robe from the cupboard. Facing at each other, we looked for so long. Our energies collided, took off. I looked at it, it seemed very impressive.

I smiled at it and thought that living the simplicity and plainness of spiritualism made myself feel better than carrying that black, splendid and cool robe’s magnificence like a hero.

Of course I was gonna continue to wear that black robe which is hung in the cupboard but this time I decided not to forget that it’is only a piece of cloth. It was not a human, and that was us who added a meaning to it. Exactly like the heroes in the movies.

I’m gonna watch Nicholas Cage and Keanu Reeves from the theater curtain, smiling, I am gonna wave at them. And I’ll always think their coats look very good on them.

In addition henceforward, I’m gonna combine the incidents that I encounter during my advocacy with spiritual values, sometimes criticizing sometimes making laugh, I am going to share them with you each month in the derKi internet magazine.